Do I (did I) have ptsd? Obviously it’s not just soldiers who
can get post traumatic stress disorder, anyone having trauma, (trauma in German
means “dream”) can gave the disorder. In the LDS community we serve missions, some do and some don’t. Some
volunteer, others are expected. In the mission community are heard similar
things that I imagine I would hear in the military, missionaries earn “attractive
wife points” for enduring physical or mental struggle. Missionaries live out of
a suitcase, they could be assigned for six weeks in the mission to do anything,
anywhere, (I guess they wouldn’t be assigned to just clean.) We did it for our family,
our future spouse, and as a volunteer living in Florida, for my country. I’ll
describe the emotions of a dream around two years I had after being back. This time it was real, all the other dreams,
even the recurring one that now seemed comfortable, were just that, dreams. I’d
had to take a break, a new protocol, but whatever had been keeping me, after a
year I was back. Even in a restaurant the sense of duty rested on me, I was a
missionary, but there were problems, a car broke down, the other missionaries
were non-operating. I sat writing a letter- just one more year, then I’d be
done with it.
I awoke and found that all of my emotions were just another
set of repressions. It was more than 6 months later- I hadn’t been first asked
about my mission, or thought of as a return missionary for months. I’m not the
only one who had this type of dreams. A married man who I worked early morning
custodial with relayed having had dreams that he was back.
I have dreams I’m in high school, in the marching band, but
there more comfortable; though I was viewed weak by some there was that year
where I took the time off, enjoyed football games in the stands with my friends,
played basketball with them even after school. Then the season ended as well. I recently had a mission dream with a visit from a family member. It was a good dream.
